Dog Soldiers.

British soldiers fighting werewolves. It sounded like a movie I wanted to watch the day it was released. It was.
More laughs than frights, the movie was campy B grade in every way possible. Only it was done by the English. A man walking up to a werewolf, emptying his shotgun HongKong gangster opera style, only to duck as the werewolf snatches his gun and shoots back. A man brandishing a sword and a pot at the same time. (Don't ask.) A man engaged in fisticuffs with a werewolf. Those were unforgettable scenes. There were countless memorable one liners too,
'Notice how the best things superglue sticks together are your fingers?' was my favourite, but you have to look at the situation.

Other slapstick antics were there too, somewhat reminiscent of Evil Dead. Brandishing of axes, swords and holding a lighter to a can of hairspray. It was all good.

On the campy horror movie scale, I'll give it a full score. It was a job well done.

8 July 2002. Approximately 8 pm. East Coast.

There we were, men who cherished the camaderie of sharing a dinner table. The food was good, but secondary. The taste of the soba, udon, rice and fish didn't last a second more than the time it takes for the taste buds to recieve, and send those happy impulses to our brains. The memory, however, will last forever.

There we were, men, dressed in a flimsy tshirt and shorts, in the uniform of the republic of singapore air force, and that guy who seems to wear the same thing all the time. The owners didn't take a second look at us, thinking that we were going to grab the cheapest item on the menu, and drink them out of their supply of iced water.

We sat down, and watched as the busy restaurant moved on, serving dinners, eating dinners, bowing, shouting, exchanging forms of currency. We waited patiently, and made our light conversation. Were we ignored due to the fact that we asked if they accepted nets? one of us went to the atm, withdrew money and came back. when our orders were taken, we were just three, eating portions meant for six. 'are you sure?' the woman asked.

We shared our dinner table with half of the restaurant's crockery. Trays, bowls, chopsticks, cups, ladles, smaller bowls, and a little plate over a fire. That was a spread I would remember for a long time. eel, fish, beef, eggs, various forms of dead crustaceans, noodles, rice, soup, ice cream, beer, tea. it was fabulous when the manager intercepted a waitress to serve us personally. we were the ronin, who came back from a successful raid.

one of us licked a plastic leaf, thinking it was mint.

At the very deep end of the pool of depression, when it seems that one cannot sink any further, my PS2 decided to blow up.

I hate this world.

Tried to post yesterday, when emotion was brimming. Once in a while I would feel totally drained, too tired to do anything anymore. Excitement isn't exciting. Entertainment isn't entertaining. In MTV's, you sometimes had those people who lie on their beds and do nothing. I can sometimes empathise with them. But the bands don't play for me.

Comparing myself to a man who had led a fruitful life. A man who went down early, but left everything in place, made sure everything was well prepared. I would never have that peace of mind. Too often, I've felt pointless and redundant. My life seemed to be an exercise in futility. I don't affect anything. (And thusly, don't let anything affect me.)

Then I was talking to a friend that I've never met. Some guy in the US. He lost psychomotor capabilities in his entire left side. Car accident. Coma for a few months, goes to have his skull removed every once in a while for operations to his brain. He changed drastically, from a normal young man, eager to experience life and watch robot shows, to a man filled with self loathing, pessimism and hatred. 'I should have died there. This is just a poor excuse for a life.' He keeps on repeating. I had the whole log of the conversation I had with him that I wanted to post, but thankfully didn't. I won't use his emotions as an example. If it had happened to me, would I have changed that much from this past 5 years? Achieving nothing, rotting away, and waiting for something to come up from the ground to swallow me. I'm a person who finds no point in life, yet has no reason to end it. I achieve about the same as my friend, I loathe myself just as much, but I just go on, inch by inch, day by day, without hope of salvation. *scrapescrapescrape* I just have to push myself along in the most effortless way. I'll eventually reach the end.

I'm just depressed. It's one of those days where nothing makes sense, and in spite of all that was done so far, you just had to ask, 'What for?' or 'What's the point?'

Whinewhinewhine. Forgive me for whining. Sometimes it happens.

Nothing inspired me to write so far. There's nothing except the usual boring details. This, that, blahblahblah. I have been working a lot and reading a bit, and sleeping at work, and stuff. Just so you know.

aven't posted, been too tired..


I realised something. I let people walk all over me, and I don't have the skills to communicate.

I worked on a survey for the past 2-3 days, and when I showed it to my Branch Head, she just dismissed the thing.

"Didn't we agree to follow this set of survey questions?"

(I was working on my own initiatives, Ma'am, since I thought it would be impossible to translate this set to adhere to our requirements. I was thinking that the statistics generated won't reflect too well, and so I was trying to build something based on the results we want.)
"Uh, yeah, Ma'am."

"So what's this you're giving me now?"

(Something I've been working on for the past 2 days, something I cross referenced with criterium, went through the thesaurus looking for words that can be better phrased into sentences that don't look negative, made sure with several people that it wasn't a double layered/open ended/ambiguous question, got very unpleasant feedback from my friends about, and later refined.)
"Oh, I was just thinking..."

"This is not going to work, Josh. We agreed at the meeting that you'll just paraphrase these questions to suit our needs."

(...fuck.)
"Yes, Ma'am."

I go along with things too easily, I hate the conflict that comes after, the feeling that I'll run out of words, stuttering whatever I had in my mind, and coming out with better arguments 5 minutes after I leave the confrontation. It's easier to just comply, take a step back, clean up, and apologise. I always feel that it's better if you put on a more neutral front, and it's better to feel pissed inside, than to be angry outside. There's no fight, no winning, no losing that way. A bow, and the challenged admits defeat. People assume it's okay, and they'll move off eventually. I'll be there to clean up the place, unhappy, but sorta feeling wise, "A wise man knows not to fight, and somesuch rubbish." in a consolatory kind of way. It's easier to feel pissed inside, because you'll never lose an argument with yourself.

"Josh, why don't you go? You're so free anyway..."

(Ma'am, I spend my time trying to learn as much as I can before the fucker you love so much is going to run off without actually teaching me anything, and I sit around because most of the time, he's just doing things on his own, telling me to clean up his shit for him without the least bit of respect for somebody who is elder than him in age, rank and experience. You just give the damn kid a good chance, he plays games all day, you make me work for everything I'm trying to get, and you don't bother to see half of it.)
"Uh, Ma'am, I've got a survey to finish up on."

"What survey?"

(...)
"..."

These are two different people. They're just women who refuse to acknowledge the fact that I try. One thinks I do all the wrong things, and one thinks I don't do anything. They love the kid going off for his scholarship who has utterly no respect for anybody else, who is self absorbed and blows his top at the smallests of affairs. I don't want to complain. I don't want to whine. I just want to quietly clean up after everyone leaves the scene. That isn't so much to ask for, is it?

I find that I communicate a lot less. Emotional scarring, jadedness and nonplussedness are nice sounding excuses, but I just believe that I'm too tired to say anything anymore. People generally don't like to find out much about me, since I'm uninteresting. People generally don't need/want to understand me, because I act antisocial and eccentric. I used to make friends through IRC, and I have a lot of friends who developed from acquaintances. (Oh, you're that guy. Yeah, okay.) to pretty close friends, as close as I'll get, anyway. That doesn't happen anymore. I lost the will to make contact and communicate. It used to fascinate me, the spanning of distances to come personally to somebody you could have never known and be there in their lives. But now, it just feels empty.

It might be due to the Erica affair (which nobody except for me and Erica know about), but I can't blame anything on her. (Are you still around in this world, Erica? I've been terribly depressed for a long long time.) Just like people get tired and collapse after intense activity, I collapsed all my modes of communication. Now I say things to fill in the gaps, I try to illicit responses for the sake of petty conversation and I keep quiet and say 'I suppose' when things get too personal.

(Ha. Ha. Oxymoron. I ramble so much about myself not being able to talk.)

ll this will disappear if I just close the window, like how my thoughts are dismissed, and this will be kept inside me yet again (but I'm doing this because I have nothing to post, and I'm randomly drawing some lines of thought from within.) I have an urge to just close the window, since I find this whole block of text pretensious and myself too self-absorbed, but it's something to fill in the gaps, so I suppose I'll let this slide.

Fun thing to do (unless you're Scottish)
-say the phrase below in a Scottish accent-

"I will destroy you, and your family. I will kill everyone I see, and then I'll buy lunch."


I invited everyone over to my apartment so that we could have a game, but most of us ended up sleeping. I woke up at 7 a.m. the day prior, there were people who didn't sleep before, there were those who were sick, and there was that one guy who slept anywhere provided he wasn't being harassed. Occasionally, he mumbled things like, "Joshhh... Coldddd..." and flipped over. I have no idea who did it, but somebody installed the A/C in my place and didn't clean up after that, so I swept the floor, and made everybody sit down. (There was an adventure where I was making a cockroach do acrobatic manuevers with a broom, and everybody was watching, but it's hard to describe, and you had to be there to understand the humour behind it.) We were all quite tired, and in a place without a bed, we had to make do with the weirdest sleeping positions, and the occasional shout of "Allenby! Allenby!"

In our game, it seemed like we were all pretty bored, and the DM was just going with whatever popped into his mind, so we killed a lot of strange things and made silly noises. Raihan was the one who kept shouting "Allenby!" because he just watched G Gundam, and Loren reminded him of Allenby (for reasons I cannot fathom.)

Simon and I, while smoking in the kitchen, noticed a man hiding suspiciously in the stairwell of the apartment opposite us, and he looked like he was squatting around and up to no good. Being civic minded, I shouted over to remind him not to masturbate in stairwells, and not to steal undergarments, but the guy was too engrossed in what he was doing. Simon then came out with this story about a guy who fucked cats, and uh.. I was trying to make people in the opposite block think I was giving somebody a blowjob. (Since, if we can look at what the opposite block is doing, the opposite block can probably see us as well, and scandals are good.)

I slept at 6 a.m. and woke up at 5 p.m. because in an empty, almost foreign place, you don't really have the concept of time. The day was wasted and I might stay up tonight as well, because I slept too much.

There were a shitload of cockroaches in the apartment, and twice were we visited by cockroaches. We were tempted to take them, and plant them on the sleeping idiots, but the cockroaches seemed pretty lost, so it wouldn't reflect positively on our karma. A lot of them seemed to have just flipped over and died in the strangest of places, but Simon thinks that they might have just ingested too much dishwashing detergent. I didn't sweep them up because I wanted to see what would happen to them the next time I went down. Possibly an infestation of ants, even (!)

I had a boring weekend, but it was boring in a good way. So, what did you do?

Notable.

--Gungrave. Naito Yasuhiro (Trigun) + Sega = Good thing. Limited Ed supposedly comes with Kaiyodo action figure. (!!)

--Panzer Dragoon Orta - Reason to get an Xbox.

--Soul Calibur 2: In arcades this July?

--Gulity Gear XX looks like a fabulous addition to the series. Next in the series will be for 21+ only.

--Shinobi (Sega) is coming as well, and it looks sweet.

--There's a Lupin III game by Banpresto as well, looks like Espionage Action (like Metal Gear Solid)

--How about that Robotech game?

++Breaking News++

Super Robot Wars R for GBA.

And this would make me happy any day.

Lots of exciting things happening.

Gear Fighter Dendoh and more importantly Shin Getta Robo vs Neo Getta Robo. (Although Neo Getta is quite useless in lieu of the Shin Getta.)

I have to get myself some money to spend, it seems.

i never have anything philosophical to say, nothing that i write will make people suddenly stop to wonder about how they percieve me to me, and the way i actually am. there is a fair amount of self gratification whenever i write in my blogs, but nothing world shaking. the events in here may be dramatic and exciting to me, but droll to the otherwise disaffected, jaded and terminally depressed. those should have stopped reading pimping sloth all together, and those who just want to know what's happening in my life will stay. i have no worries about that, that's the way it should be, and that's the way that i'll make it. contrary to popular belief, my life isn't all about boring things. and it is because i got new toys(!!!)

both are by yamato, a manufacturer from which i have never bought anything from, but is a good company in it's own right (i prefer kaiyodo) they should be pretty old products by now, but first up is the ginrei statuette that i talked briefly about a couple of weeks ago. i was thinking of getting the red dress version, but i ended up getting the black dress version, because i prefer her expression on this one.

ginrei is a jane bond in the giant robo anime, and the first 10 minutes of the show bowled me over. her earrings detonate, she hangs by the side of a train with one hand and shoots with the other, and .. eh, you'll have to see that scene for yourself. (have the vcd, should i be getting the dvd?) she's extremely cool, an independant lady who knows that she can suffice on her own. the fact that her black dress is shorter on the red dress version is not the reason why i bought it, mind. she has a gun in the red dress version, but i prefer her smiling.

the second one costs 5 times more, and i'm glad i got it because it's the most amazing thing i bought next to my diecast gaogaigar (the guy on the side. he fell off the shelf, fixed with superglue) it's the macross valkyrie, the blue one piloted by max jenius. i really like max and millia jenius (got a figure of her on the shelf) and i wanted to get the blue valkyrie for a long long time, and now i'm glad that i did. i used to have fully diecast ones, one was twice the size of the other, but they both were roy fokkers. it was cool, and i wished i still had them, but this one is ultimate in detail. it even comes with decals(!!!) i've no place on the shelf to put it as its fighter form, so i'll have to transform it and pose it holding it's rifle. the plane is sleek, but battroid isn't that bad.

next will come meryl strife from trigun, once she's released, and since i have a lot more pay coming, i could order this as well.

interesting news. naito yasuhiro (of trigun fame) is involved in some ps2 game, i think it's called gungrave. while this might not have anything to do with trigun, it would be cool to play. will get, most probably. and i'm awaiting virtual on and shinobi, it seems sega will release those pretty soon. (they've been quiet for a while, with small releases like beach volleyball games and whatever, and larger releases like virtua fighter 4 [which i don't really like that much.] so something big might come along.)

enough? i have to go figure out how to transform my toys.

interesting things.

1) parades get less irritating, and more tolerable.
2) i want to have all my hair back.
3) found shop that custom makes bondage gear. (well, makes leather clothes.)
4) i need new games
5) parents get less tolerable, and more irritating.
6) wondering what happened to that guy in primary school who always had a problem with something.

No aggression, evil intent or vandalism, just burnt skin. It's a stupid affair, but somebody has to fill up that particular slot in an orgy of a thousand people nobody will bother to look at. And these are the people who contract skin cancer For Their Country.

P.S. Can't think of anything, will come back after sleep.

Parade sucks. There. Trying to squeeze in as much as I can before I run off to do it. I should call in sick, but I don't want to do that for the Nth time, so.. here goes..

I'll bitch about this and that later. I'm sure that 11 hours later, I'll be all pumped full of hatred and evil intent.